Relationships can be fun, but they can also be complicated. Misunderstandings and miscommunication in relationships can often cause a great deal of hurt, pain, and embarrassment for everyone involved. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Relationships can stay real, honest, loving, and respectful if we take special effort and care to work at it. Sacrifice and determination supported by truth and purpose are some of the things that make relationships stay strong and last through good days and bad days. With many books, articles, TV shows and movies made solely about relationships, or the lack thereof, here are 10 simple truths to keep in mind when you find yourself in a relationship that you want to last forever:
1. You cannot change the other person, only yourself. Too many relationships fail because one party or both parties are trying to change the other party, all the while refusing to face the fact that they just might be the problem. When faced with a problem, always look at yourself first. Evaluate your own attitude, moods, and behaviour. Ask yourself, ‘Am I the real cause of this argument?’ ‘Have I provoked something?’ You may just find that the problem is the man or woman in the mirror. And, if perhaps, you are not the problem, don’t create a worse problem by trying to fix the other person.
2. Being angry is a waste of time. Anger uses up well-needed energy and time that could be used for other more important things. Anger gets you absolutely nowhere. It drives you to do and say things that your sensible self would not do or say. Anger most often comes from pride and a sense of entitlement. How foolish it is to get angry over something that is not even important.
3. Give what you want to get. If you give love that is what you will get. If you give disrespect than that is what you will get as well. The law of attraction works in full effect in relationships. Do not dish out evil words and bad behaviours and expect to receive the exact opposite in return. Relationships, like love, is a two-way street not a dead end. If you do not give it then don’t expect to receive it.
4. Show respect and love every day. Saying a kind word, making special effort to do a thoughtful gesture, sending a nice message are all things that do not take a whole lot of time, but they go a long way in dealing with relationships. Saying and doing are two different things. Words go very fast but when you put those words into action they hold meaning and significance that the other person will not forget.
5. Understand that you two are uniquely different individuals. You do not think exactly alike, or like all the same things, places, or people. You are different. Embrace your differences. Love each other for who you are not for who you are trying to create. If you try to create somebody else out of the other person, you will be sorely disappointed. Love people the way they are, unconditionally, with all their imperfections and mistakes. That is what helps to make us human, different, and special.
6. Arguments are a result of inner fear, heartbreak, and pain. When arguments and conflicts arise, you will find that behind them is a source or point of reference where a person has been hurt and the heartbreak and pain from that is coming back to their current situation or the fear of being hurt is coming back to their minds. Arguing often keeps people back from seeing what the real issue is, that is, even if there is an issue to begin with in the first place.
7. Honesty always takes the road less traveled. If you don’t tell the truth and can’t be honest than you don’t have a real relationship. You have a relationship built on a faulty foundation that will crumble at the first whiff of trouble. Truth always wins. Truth equals trust. If you tell lies, you are on the fast track to destroying your relationship. It takes only a few seconds to destroy trust, but it can take a whole lifetime to gain it back.
8. Agreeing to disagree is not compromise. Some things are just not worth the time or energy of fighting over. If you know the sky is blue and the other person thinks the sky is yellow, what is the point of going back and forth over who is right? You don’t have to give up what you believe in order to agree with someone else because when you compromise what you believe, you don’t really believe it in the first place.
9. It’s what you do, not what you say. The old adage is true, “Actions speak louder than words.” If you can talk the talk but cannot walk the walk than you are operating in deception. If you say you love someone than you should act like it. You can’t say you love them, but show hate towards them, destroy their things, call them names, sabotage their success, lie to their parents, and disrespect them in front of their friends. Love is backed by actions.
10. Strong relationships take work. Good relationships don’t happen by happenstance; they happen by choice. Love, respect, honesty, kindness, sacrifice, and patience are all choices that we must make every day in order for relationships to work at their maximum potential. Strong, stable, secure relationships take work and many relationships fail because most people don’t like to work. Sure, we would love for everything to be easy and just happen. But that is not the case here. In relationships, you are dealing with the heart, soul, and mind of a person. There is no room for game playing, but there is plenty of room for improvement, love, and happiness.